Him: "I guess I've always been more about playing defense than playing offense. That's something I'd like to work on more. I should play more offense."His explanation was a good one, though I didn't realize how good it was until last night when I was walking through downtown Portland back to my hotel. It was a perfect night, cool and breezy, the streets teeming with people determined to savor every last hour of this gifted stretch, and it gave voice to what I've been thinking the past few days:
Me: "I'm not sure what you mean?"
Him: "Defense is more reacting to things. Offense is more about making things happens. Defensive people, I guess, they just capitalize on whatever happens to find it's way to them. Offensive people search out opportunities. They find things."
God, I could so live here. Really, I should just up and move.
That was when I fully understood what Brian meant by offense versus defense. An offensive-
minded person would have commenced finding ways to make such a move happen. Instead I began to find reasons why I could never do it:
What it would do to your career? How could you earn a living? You don't know but a handful of folks – could you make all new friends? What about the friends you'd leave behind? You could never sell your house in this market. That would suck. Could you really build a whole new life here, ground up, at 43 years old?
The more I went over it in my head, the more I felt the split between offense and defense. There was a time, all through my 20s and into my 30s, where I was far more on offense, when I'd gamble with my life in a moment to make some half-assed dream happen. That wasn't a bad thing: It led me to writing as a life, to journalism, to move out West, to enough self-discoveries to make happiness a possibility. Somewhere along the way, though, my tolerance for risk began to diminish and I became more about protecting what I have as opposed to trying to amass more. I'm not saying this version of me is bad or good – it simply is. I still take risks, and I'm glad I do. Playing offense has led me to advertising and to friends like Louie and Kat and Jos, who have taught me so much about the kind of man I long to be. Now, though, there's less I'm willing to risk, less I'm willing to throw down as a bet. I'm on defense more, looking to ward off disaster, looking less to create opportunities and more to avoid the sorts of bad choices that you might label "the opposite of opportunity."
Maybe I'm content this way and maybe that means I'll never live in Portland. Or maybe, like Brian, I should encourage myself to play more offense, to risk more in an effort to get more. We shall see …
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3 comments:
I am on neither side of the ball, I am under it. It is heavy and, although round with supposedly only one point of connectivity to the surface, it is crushing the whole of me. I was offensive, in more ways than one, but in reference to your post I took the offensive stance and made the jump Portland. Now I sit in an office all alone, with one window and no one to talk to. There are no dogs roaming my singular office hallway let alone horses. My title says traffic but I get no whistle...
Sometime when you guys are in the PDX you should give me a ring, email, facebook message so that I may recant my glory days at MA. Hope the city treated you well.
matt.
I'm not sure recant was the correct word... damn it.
You know, only playing defense has never won a ball game. Neither has only playing offense. You need to find a balance, D. I don’t look at life with an offense/defense mentality. I try to be proactive with my life, rather than reactive. Granted, I will make mistakes and learn from them, but I will also take risks that pay off and help me become a better person. My advice—play both sides. Might take you to Portland. Might convince you there is something worth sticking around good ol’ Arizona for. We shall see, right? :) -B
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